She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
