her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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