I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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