this boner is exhausting
This house was built for laser tag.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize