what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
