I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
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