omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
