after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
