Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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