As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I forgot how hot balto sounded
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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