I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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