I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
