Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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