Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
