Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
id be glad to
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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