bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
