the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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