Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You pole danced in your parka.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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