I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
