she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
