Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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