I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
this boner is exhausting
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
