she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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