So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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