He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
