Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
