People in love make me want to vomit
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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