so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
