Apparently you make a good broom.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
