I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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