Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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