is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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