Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
