Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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