am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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