he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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