normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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