go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
