just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
