I feel like abortions should bother me more
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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