come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize