Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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