Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
