there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
