If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
