it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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