I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
