Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
dude i'm inner monologue high
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Randomize
