A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
