I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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