never play flip cup with pint glasses
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
