Plan B is the new Plan A
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
