I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
