he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
