it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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