he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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