Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
