omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
