Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
