I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
