first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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