I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
