Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
