How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
