Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
this will be a night to untag.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
