Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize