Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
