So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
