ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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