Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
