I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
