I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
