There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I need to calm my uterus...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
