I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
