there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
