i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
