I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
